Restaurant Review: Foulest of Fish

McCormick and Schmick's (1285 Avenue of the Americas; New York, NY, 10019)

Beware the misguided tourist who stumbles for a quick lunch in Midtown Manhattan, especially within the Bermuda Triangle of Rockefeller Center and Radio City - just watch your cash disappear and then wonder what you actually spent it on! Certainly not towards quality ingredients or the salaries of a fine kitchen staff or proficient waiters. the appalling Cost-to-Quality ratio of midtown tourist trap restaurants is a daunting and demonic institution to battle, being nearly pervasive and ubiquitous to every grim corner.

One of the worst offenders is the seafood charlatan known as McCormick and Schmick's, a vast but generic warehouse of a slop kitchen distinguished solely by audacious pricing. DON'T let the convenient location or promise of a "45-minute Lunch" entice harried loved ones on a tight sightseeing schedule. Friends don't let friends eat dross!!

On a recent, inexplicable visit appetizers consisted of a Prawn Cocktail ($15) of four pallid crustaceans drifting on a sea of insipid and bottled chili sauce and an order of 1/2 dozen oysters on the half shell ($18). While M&S boasts 14 daily varieties of fresh bivalves, our order from the Prince Edward Islands yielded milky, overly mild examples - farmed to be sure - stripped of any natural brininess or punch. A basket of bread, dropped unceremoniously on the table by an anxious waiter, proved inedible.

Honestly, we're not going to waste more energy giving attention to this impostor of a seafood purveyor; we have Will Self's latest tome to plow through after all. Decent espresso and macchiatos ($3.50) were the lone high point, relished as a removal device for lingering entree flavor stains. Namely: a miniature crab cake sandwich covered in frozen fries ($16.95); a fillet of sole overpowered by chemically-redolent breadcrumbs ($21.95) and a supremely grotesque Seared Tuna and Chinese Greens Salad ($20), the "greens" translating to a disheveled mess of coarsely shredded cabbage (chalky, tough, poorly washed) doused in a caustic soy vinaigrette.